LA Marathon 2016 - a mental journal

"My mind feels extremely cluttered at the moment. The state of the union, my union, has been depressed. Things feel grim. Change feels dampened and unattainable without bouts of suffering. Pain is inevitable. I must keep on fighting and pushing through."

These are the words of a man who is doubting himself. Someone who is scared. Someone who fears the future as he treads through the present. These are the words of someone who is finding struggle in life, in the moment and at this moment.

Drawing parallels to fitness seems an option when examining your life. In many ways, life and working out is hard. You must do the work in order to get the results. There are some, for whom this comes easily. There are some whom gets this by cheating. Truth be told, the most solid foundation is built through true and genuine hard work. Get ready to suffer and you will find the way. The reason you are scared is because in your life, you are not used to suffering. You are not used to the pain. You are used to things being easy. When you are growing through pain, you are not bored. Progress is not always progress at a surface level. You bounce back stronger when you repair the damaged soul.

One of the most interesting things in life is to be able to examine it from the other side of fear. In reality, it wasn't so bad. The thing you thought would break you, turned out to be wonderful. The thing you were scared to do, wasn't so scary. As I ran the marathon, the pain in my legs were extreme. I wondered if I would be able to finish. It became a mental game. Purely mental.

"Was this a smart thing to do? Is it wise for me to press on when I can barely run at this point? The person that I blazed by at mile 5 is now passing me at mile 23. How much longer can I go? I'm worried that i'm dehydrated. Im worried that I will start cramping. I still need to drive back home. I haven't eaten anything today except liquids and energy gels. I feel like I'm getting sunburned. My arms feel skinny. I'm really suffering."

These are the words of a man who is doubting himself. Someone who fears the future as he treads through the present. These are the words of someone who is finding struggle in life, in the moment and at this moment.

Upon completion, I never wanted to do it again. I felt like it was a rather odd experience. To put your body and comfort on the line for a few hours, just so you can prove to yourself that you could do it. I felt weak, exhausted and could barely walk to my car. 

The next week, I signed up again.

This is how you overcome and grow. You struggle through doubt, pain and fear. When you push through it, you sign up again.